Okay, I don’t get to do this very often, but I’m bringing you some exclusive news*: Paris Hilton is pregnant. Scope out that baby bump underneath her maternity dress. Oh, yeah, it’s on. While you gals plan the baby shower I’ll be stockpiling ammunition and canned goods for the coming collapse of civilization. Do you think I can fit a missile launcher in my basement? I think there’s room next to the Jacuzzi which, you know, is definitely staying. I’ll need that baby to seduce the few remaining women and repopulate the planet with my super seed. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell them. Actually, none of this is very different from my current routine except afterwards I won’t laugh and yell “Gotcha!” But then it won’t really be making love… *This exclusive news may or may not have been completely made up by me and based on absolutely no facts whatsoever.
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